Week 26

As I was cleaning out the studio recently I found a vintage speller practice book.  It's one of those treasures that I'm afraid to use.  Isn't that funny?  But seriously I'm afraid to cut it up!  I love the illustrations in it and the color schemes.  Forgot to upload a pic...sorry.  One page was full of hot air balloons with spelling words in each balloon.  And it hit me.  I've not done hot air balloons!  So I set the sights this week on this idea.  And love the way it turned out.

And since I made some pretty confident decisions this week about my artsy business the words just seemed appropriate.  And you know how I love hearts.  Bikes, trucks, campers....they all get led by floaty hearts.  I puffy heart that. 

Well....week 26.  That means I'm half-way done with this journey through my 40th year.  Wow.  I'll be posting later this week a sneek peek at all the paintings.  It's a really cool sight.  So I'll see you back here this week!

Week 25....Moving our Hearts

One year ago this week we moved our hearts from Ivy Springs Drive to French Village Blvd.

Alot of changes have happened in these 12 months.  Not just buying a new house.  But a new life really.  I started teaching full-time.  Decided to paint 52 canvases in my 40th year.  Made the big decision to stop participating in art shows.  Started the PSW workshop series.  Made many, many changes to our new home.  Billy decided to not run for his State Seat again.  Friendships ended, new ones started.  I made a commitment to run 13.1 miles.  Started Southern Circle Retreats with Tiffin.  And more.....those are just the ones that stand out to me the most.

As I sit in the quiet house now (the family is scattered here and there today....nice for Momma bear) I reflect on the year that has gone by so quickly.  This week I faced some interesting numbers as far as my artsy business goes.  And realized that sometimes the sacrifices you make to support your family take a toll on living the dream.  I fight this.  Tooth and nail I do.  I try to do it all.  Family, work, art, run, church, friends.....but you know what.  Something has to give.  A part of me thinks what would life be like right this second if we still lived at 64.  If we'd not taken this huge leap of faith and bought 120.  I don't like that side of my personality really.  The what if side.  It drags me down.  In fact here's a huge truth, today I was running my 9 mile training run and the 93 Million Miles song by Jason Mraz came on.  I broke down and sobbed.  Of course that was it for the run.  Ha.  Right now I feel 93 million miles away from where I want to be.  But I love the direction I am going in.  It's where I belong.  And as his song says, "you can always come home".

So here's what I told myself.....Teach more.....scatter joy more.....and live more.  Embrace this life you've been so blessed to have received.  Believe that you can dream bigger, just a little different than what you thought was what you needed.  Move past the idea that in order to be successful you have to have so much.  Let go and just be.  I am a painter.  A dreamer.  And a doer.  And I intend to continue doing amazing things with a whole heart.   A heart that now resides at 120.

Week 24...Notes on Giving

Have you ever heard of the book by Shel Silvertein, The Giving Tree?  Most likely if you answered "yes" to that question you were also flooded with childhood memories.  How can you not?  I cry every freaking time I read the book.  I think since the day I received the bottom copy for my 8th Birthday from my BFF's.  The top copy came from my first Youth Group in 1990 I ministered to. 

I'm not really sure what brought this book to my forethought this week.  Maybe it was the willow in last week's painting.  I actually had to find the book box and unpack these...now they will sit out as a gentle reminder.  To give.  Whole heartedly.  But, I think I already do.  To everyone but one.

Yeah.  It seems I give to my in kids in all sorts ways lately.  As well as my husband.  My job.  Friends.  Parents. Other family.  Pets.  House.  Business. Church. Art....and the list goes on.  But you know the one thing I seem to leave off the list?  Guess.  One guess.

ME.



I wrote on FB yesterday that if there was such a place as beyond tired that I'd found it.  And then I proceeded to have crazy dreams about my two dearest friends and how I had disappointed them....and the dream just would not end.  So I woke at 3am.  And was so upset I didn't go back to sleep.  That makes for a very fun teaching day I tell ya!  You see I think the book, the art, the dream were all trying to tell me to stop for a minute and do something that surrounds my soul with complete wholehearted giving.  With joy.  To myself.   Not like go out and buy myself something give.  Like find something to give myself that doesn't really cost anything.  I'm working on it.  Porch time sure is nice....and tonight there may be a little time carved out there.  For thinking.  But I think there needs to be more. 

Now I love to give, don't get me wrong.  One of my greatest joys is sharing my teaching with others.  Don't go crazy thinking "oh great she's closing up shop."  In fact the opposite is happening and I am going bigger with that end of my life.  Nah.  I think it's more about the little stuff I need to be more giving to myself about.  Like laundry waiting,  dinner can be a bowl of cereal, Lily can go out on her own, kids CAN put away clothes, hubby can do homework duty, if I'm not feeling so good running is not a good idea, and not painting everyday is okay.  It's week 3 of school.  This time last year we were moving.  Maybe a niggle of my anxiety is that.  That we made so many changes in such a short time my body is just figuring it all out.  I've not slowed down long enough to stop and look around at the riches I have.  Like the boy in the book....I am constantly seeking to be happy on the outside.  Perhaps I need to look a little closer around me.  And a little more inward.   And maybe I just need to be still and listen to what the heart  is saying.

Week 23

 As a child every summer my little sister Molly and I spent a week with Grandmother Adkins in Opelika, Alabama.  I have amazing memories of paper dolls, sweet tea, spinklers and chocolate pie with that Grandmother.  It seems the only time we ever made paper doll world was at her house.  We'd make her entire tiny apartment our playhouse. Which was actually just chopped up Sears catalogues Grandmother saved just for us.  If times were good she'd take us to the "Wal-marts" and let us pick out one paper doll book each.  Oh man we loved those because they had stands and were made of thick paper.  Good times for sure.....

The other fond memory I have of her were the webbed chairs.  Man she loved those things.  She'd sit on her tiny stoop, rock and smoke.  They were teal and white webbed, and were rockers!  Molly and I always rocked ourselves silly.  I can still hear her saying to us, "Girls you gonna rock so hard you're gonna fall back and break your head, and my chair!"  I can remember the ordeal of having them re-weaved.  I'm not sure what happened to the chairs.  I do wish I'd mentioned to Dad how much they meant to me and my childhood.  I imagine once we moved her into the assisted they were thrown in the trash.  I mean, who uses them anymore?  They did like to pinch the back of legs! 

I also have a fondness for willow trees.  There is something about them....I have a vague memory of one somewhere in my childhood.  It has to have made a mark else why would I still have a vision of it? Swaying, rustling, sheltering.  Beauty.  I think alot about growing old these days.  Not the morbid sense of dying old....but the growing older and wise older.  I'm definitely taking more time to reflect and listen to my heart these days.  Trying hard to eliminate what makes me sad, stressed and overwhelmed.  Finding a groove that fits the family and me.  Thus why the words on this little painting just flow so lovely right off the page and transcend me to a place and time when Billy and I can indeed sit quietly growing old under the willow tree.  How about you?  Where shall you sit and grow old?

Week 22...

While searching my pile of treasured trinkets I came upon this flashcard:

And the wheels started spinning!!  I have to tell you first that I have a slight obsession with vintage flash cards, letter cards, bingo chips, etc.  And yet, I never use them.  For fear of...well....using them!!  How funny is that?  But super glad I'd not used this one yet.  Although after taking Sarah's class this card in a sketchbook would be a great idea.  It'd be protected and inspirational!

With school starting tomorrow I decided this awesome Sunday afternoon would be a great time to get into the studio uninterrupted.  I honestly know the first two weeks of school I will be A.pooped  B.not in the best of moods  C.pooped   D.  more pooped.  I just know it.  So I have planned ahead.  Meals are planned, laundry is all done, house is clean and my running times are slotted.  I've a feeling running time is going to be a saving grace!!  I am not saying at all that I wish I didn't have this dreamy job.  I'm just being real.  The first week of school sucks.  Plain and simple.  Anyhoo.....today rocked out in the studio!!!  Like really....I am loving this new found love of paint mixing and a white base canvas.  Who'd a thought??

 Above is the base painting.  A tad messy and loose.  I love just putting the paint on the canvas without much thought as to the end result.  I'd sketched out a simple plan with the 5 balls on the church bulletin today (it was a rather long service with communion....communion time I was sketching away!!)  So the composition was already laid out in my head.  This, although looks very haphazard , is quite planned out!

The cool thing about layering is that you can scratch into the wet paint giving the painting a very textural appeal.  With the original colors peeking through.  It's like the colors are saying, "look at me...look at me!!"  Like my wood cutting days.  Mmmmm....

So here's the end result.  I just love the end result.  All my recent softer paintings are just so, so happy.  I like growing.  So very much. 

Week 21

This is the hot mess Week 21 started off as:

All righty....I'll let you in on a little secret.  I've been taking an online class.  And this is the last week.  It's with Sarah Ahearn, the author of a wonderful book Paint and Pages.  I've admired her work for years.  And when the opportunity came about to take a class from her...well I was in!!  And besides, I love to take online classes to enhance my painting vocabulary.  Because here's another tid bit about me.  I took one college art painting course...oil painting.  But let me paint the picture for you about how we learned in the class:  our crazy teacher threw a bunch of CRAP on a table, put a spotlight on it, left the room and came back at the end of the quarter.  Where upon she ripped you to shreds for not painting anything powerful or moving or statement worthy.  I have an entire soapbox post about this subject....the lack of teaching I received from Auburn's art program, but that's for another day.    I was one of the crazy people who got to college without a clue as to what to do and decided art sounded good.  Yep...that means I'd not taken ONE art class ever before the year 1991.  And they let me in....hmmm...

Her class had a major emphasis on sketchbook creating and using this thought thread to move into the canvas.  The sketchbook wasn't really my thing I'll be the first to admit, but her painting style I just love.   As with any new class, I try hard to channel not copy the teacher's work.  And slowly it'll weave its' way into my own artistic thread.  I just love the layering, collage and softness of her paintings.  Hopefully the skills she's given us will find a happy medium into my usually very bright and BOLD work!  Oh and the other really good lesson I learned, good paint is good paint.  And only using primary colors does indeed yield lovely colors.  So my next PSW workshop will focus a lot on mixing.  Because that is definately a new love!!  Because folks, the painting below I used about 5 tubes of paint only to make all those colors.

The subject matter was inspired from our family beach trip last week to Saint Simons Island.  While on my long run training Saturday I was weaving in and out all over the little neighborhood beside our condo.  And at the end of one street was the house.  The house I want to grown old in.  The house I want grand babies to come visit me in.  The house I wanna hold hands with Billy on the back porch and watch the sunset with.  Yep.  Dreams do come true though.  And the dizzying part.....it was for sale.  Sigh.  Double sigh.  So I am putting it out there...dreams are easily put into reality when made known.  I've found that out a lot lately.  Good lesson to learn at age 40, right? 

Week 20

I'll get ya some close-ups of this next week....we are actually on our way to the beach tomorrow.  Thus where my inspiration came from this week!  The layering and building up of this canvas was truly inspiring the entire time.  I knew this was out of my thread, but really wanted a challenge this week.  Something different is good every once-in-awhile for a creative soul.  I used a ton of chalk pastels in this canvas.  Never been a huge fan of them, but I'm taking an online course and she prompts us too, so I had them out on the table already and thought, hey why not.  They give this canvas an illuminated appeal.  Luv.

So....yes....this is Mailey and William.  Going to the beach every year is our vacation.  We aren't big fancy trip takers.  Rather we like a week to spend as a family digging in the sand, swimming in the sea and eating lots of raw oysters.  Well, Billy and I eat the oysters anyways.  The above photo was of my children at a very young age.  Mailey lived in that white polka dot bikini.  Really.  Like I kept it in her keepsake box wore it all the time!  I just love the way this photo captured their innocence.  At 12 and 10 I will most likely not find them in this position on the beach again.  And it saddens me a bit.  They are growing so quickly.  And changing so quickly.  Not that I want them to stay young, but I have to remind myself to slow down and enjoy each growing moment with them.  For too long they will be gone.  Sigh. 

Well, gotta go gather the shovels, pails, boogie boards and bathing suits.  We want to get an early rise on the road!  See you back next week.....when school starts here!!