Thursday, August 23, 2012

Week 24...Notes on Giving

Have you ever heard of the book by Shel Silvertein, The Giving Tree?  Most likely if you answered "yes" to that question you were also flooded with childhood memories.  How can you not?  I cry every freaking time I read the book.  I think since the day I received the bottom copy for my 8th Birthday from my BFF's.  The top copy came from my first Youth Group in 1990 I ministered to. 
I'm not really sure what brought this book to my forethought this week.  Maybe it was the willow in last week's painting.  I actually had to find the book box and unpack they will sit out as a gentle reminder.  To give.  Whole heartedly.  But, I think I already do.  To everyone but one.
Yeah.  It seems I give to my in kids in all sorts ways lately.  As well as my husband.  My job.  Friends.  Parents. Other family.  Pets.  House.  Business. Church. Art....and the list goes on.  But you know the one thing I seem to leave off the list?  Guess.  One guess.


I wrote on FB yesterday that if there was such a place as beyond tired that I'd found it.  And then I proceeded to have crazy dreams about my two dearest friends and how I had disappointed them....and the dream just would not end.  So I woke at 3am.  And was so upset I didn't go back to sleep.  That makes for a very fun teaching day I tell ya!  You see I think the book, the art, the dream were all trying to tell me to stop for a minute and do something that surrounds my soul with complete wholehearted giving.  With joy.  To myself.   Not like go out and buy myself something give.  Like find something to give myself that doesn't really cost anything.  I'm working on it.  Porch time sure is nice....and tonight there may be a little time carved out there.  For thinking.  But I think there needs to be more. 

Now I love to give, don't get me wrong.  One of my greatest joys is sharing my teaching with others.  Don't go crazy thinking "oh great she's closing up shop."  In fact the opposite is happening and I am going bigger with that end of my life.  Nah.  I think it's more about the little stuff I need to be more giving to myself about.  Like laundry waiting,  dinner can be a bowl of cereal, Lily can go out on her own, kids CAN put away clothes, hubby can do homework duty, if I'm not feeling so good running is not a good idea, and not painting everyday is okay.  It's week 3 of school.  This time last year we were moving.  Maybe a niggle of my anxiety is that.  That we made so many changes in such a short time my body is just figuring it all out.  I've not slowed down long enough to stop and look around at the riches I have.  Like the boy in the book....I am constantly seeking to be happy on the outside.  Perhaps I need to look a little closer around me.  And a little more inward.   And maybe I just need to be still and listen to what the heart  is saying.

1 comment:

  1. You always did have the candle burning at both ends. No more crazy dreams!