Thursday, December 27, 2012
Monday morning (Christmas Eve) I learned that a friend of our family had been in a tragic car accident. The entire family, including Grandpa were on the way back from dinner when a truck lost control, ran a red light and crashed into their family. The father still lies in a hospital healing from the inside out. They have no idea how long it will take for him to heal. But I guarantee when he wakes, he'll never be the same. Because their adorable middle child passed away that night. It is a tragedy beyond words. A mother should never have to bear this much sorrow. My heart is beyond full for her right now. They are going ahead and laying the sweet baby to rest on Friday since there is no way of knowing when the husband will wake. This mother is an amazing woman...she is. I imagine she is standing tall and remembering her sweet daughter's life with grace. Being strong for the other 2 children. Being strong for her husband. I ask, if you are reading this to please....please lift her in your prayers. Because no matter how strong we are at some point we break. She needs all the love and support she can get right now and through the coming months.
So this week I've been in a bit of a fog. Doesn't help that my body has decided to break down finally and get sick. Oh I played it well Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day. But by Christmas Day around 8pm I was in bed. And didn't wake until 10am the next day. And began a sleep coma series the rest of that day. My mind is full of thoughts though. I've always said I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. That people come into our lives at just the right moment, time and place and with a purpose. But maybe I am wrong. Because I find it hard to believe that the truck lost its breaks right at the moment it did to hit their van that killed their sweet girl. No way....no way God allowed that to happen. And then I remember that God gave us free will. That man chose not to fix his breaks, he chose to drive knowing that they were weak, he chose to drive too fast...that it was a man, not God that chose the path that this family is now on. I am very thankful that we were given the gift of free will. I am. But unfortunately not everyone makes good choices in life. Heck, I make plenty of stupid choices that affect people in the end. My free will has hurt people...not physically...but I have hurt spirits. I am only human.
I imagine that God is weeping right now. I know we have. So this week the canvas above is very symbolic....the baby bird on the cloud has wings. Mommy and Daddy bird are on the branch, because they will always be baby bird's parents...and she is now forever watching over them. And sending puffy hearts their way.
Sunday, December 23, 2012
I guess the word living has been stuck in my brain after the tragedy that hit the small community in Connecticut. As a teacher myself the what if's can't help but linger in my mind. My over imaginative brain has worked out more than one scenario of where I would run with my children should this crisis ever arise in our school. My mind is quite thankful for this short break to relax and refocus on truly living. I ask my self this question all the time, "Are you living the life you intend?" I guess it's my way of holding myself accountable. Some days the answer is yes, some days no. When a no creeps in I evaluate what and why and get myself back on track. And start living again. I find that when I am living an authentic life things seem to fall into place so nicely. In fact, since letting the holiday crisis mode go....cool stuff has happened in every aspect of my life. I suppose getting negative energy out allows the positive energy to flow. Yep. The ebbs and flows of life are not always easy to cope with, but when we cope with grace and dignity it often leads to a lovely river instead of a dinky stream. So I'm planning to hop into the river and flow on into the new year. Full of possibilities and full of joy. Because I am indeed living.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Week 41 is starting off about like this:
Where are my awesome brown clogs resting themselves you ask? At William's indoor baseball practice. That's AstroTurf...on top of cold concrete. Have you ever been to in an indoor baseball facility? Well....let me just paint a picture for you. It doesn't smell like a locker room. Thank the good lawd for small favors like that. But the noise. Oh my holy cheesecracker folks!!!! Every time the bat hits the ball (which is often) it's like teeth shattering loud. So note to self...bring a sit-upon and head phones next time I stay. Usually I drop off and Billy is able to get there in time for pick-up. But not last night. I thought it was silly to leave so instead I brought my salad and sketchbook.
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Ahhh. week 40. 12 weeks away from the end of my 40th year. Whoa. 12 weeks away!! Yes, the paintings will be ready. That's a sigh of relief, but Vero always asks for other things to sell during solo shows. Like pillows, frames, jewelry etc....I gotta get on that ball! So this week I wanted to share the whole enchilada with you. From start to finish. Including the drama before the painting started. Here goes. (You might want to go pee first, this is a long post. Or get a drink of choice. Snack too while you are at it.)
Teaching is a blessing. It truly is. But on days when I teach all day, then teach 25 after school kids all under the age of 7 who do not like to shut up for one second long enough for me to give adequate instructions....well it makes for one stress ball of a Momma bear upon my arrival home. Add a trip to the Publix in Tyrone that I've yet to figure out the lay out of.....well. I was just spent. So I did what I know to do. Put on my running shoes. Of course by the end of the run it was getting dark, so only a short 3 miles in, but better some than none no doubt! After the run I quickly heated up the taco meat I'd prepared the night ahead (yes, I do stuff like that to make my life easier. I'm smart that way.) We ate a quick meal and Billy was off to bible study. This was all by 6:15 BTW.
In our den we have a giant green ball that no matter where we hide it, reappears in the den. It's a yoga ball. My children however like to use it as a gymnastics trick ball, a giant basketball, giant kick ball, giant dodge ball. You see where this is going? So Momma bear being up to her eyeballs by 6:15ish with school kid stress from the day does NOT need giant green ball stress. Ironic no? It's a freakin' YOGA ball. Of course there is yelling on my part. And kids yelling back, "Why are you yelling at us?" And then Mailey gets hurt. Of course. So I get a glass of water and stomp to the basement studio. Where the glitter mess is still lingering in the carpet because I used SPRAY glue to add glitter to my magical tree garden. So the glitter is spray glued to the carpet (ok...I wasn't that stupid. I did have a giant piece of paper down. But Julie and Mailey joined my tree fun and made a giant mess which I do not want to discuss because it made me super mad.) Urghhhh.....I get out the shop vac and get some of it up. Mailey is still upstairs crying that her hand is broken. It's not BTW.
So the world seemed to calm down upstairs. I can hear everything in the basement that goes on upstairs. Like coming through the ceiling gonna fall on my head and crush me hear. So I settle in to paint week 40. Because like running, it calms me down and makes me whole. I already had the image in my head. And the word. Because this word has been on my mind this week alot:
1- a calmer holiday season.....where instead of worrying about how everyone is reacting to what I am doing with who, I just enjoy the moment with who I am with.
2- a wee more time to paint. because that makes me very happy.
3- my anxiety to stay at bay for the next few weeks. I had such a bad attack last week I thought my kids were going to have to learn to drive.
4- unexpected joy
5- my children find their joy for being with one another again. I really miss that. Like really.
6- my husband will get home before 6:30 one night so we can have dinner as a family at the table
7- my art students will just chillax a bit. they are like monkeys in a cage right now.
8- my decision to move booth spaces from one business to another will go smoothly and without gossip
9- my heart will learn to just let go of some relationships
10- lastly I wish for the correct door to be revealed in my creative path. there are many in view right now. just not sure which skeleton key to use. it seems this past year I've opened one too many doors with the black holes. I am really ready for a bubble gum pink painted room with crystal chandelier. yep.
It started as I envisioned. Yeah! Colors going down below:
Ok...not liking the yellow as much as I thought. Or gray. Hmmmm....
Holy cheesecracker....crap. Looks like crap. Oh, I should mention my sweet hubby wandered down to check on me at this point. I guess the kids told them I lost my rocker and stomped off to the basement. They always tattle tale on me. Seriously those stars are awful!! The bottom half is amazing. The top half is ruining it. urghhhhh.....Your eye just sits in the yellow. Not good.
So I start adding white. White is my go-to when paintings start looking like crap. White is a magical color. Oh, and notice the shooting star is gone. Too literal. But this white just accentuates the yellow. Like little targets in the right hand corner. Not good. Hmmm....
Better...but too messy. Oh, screw the stars. More white paint on the palette. Note to self. Buy more white paint.
Oh wow.....now I like it. But got to have a star. Ooooo...Stabilo pencil star!
Well. Week 40 you are half-way over. Tonight is our family TV night so I gotta go. I hid the green ball real good BTW. It's been a stress-free night come to think about it. Plus I got a 5 mile run in before dark. 1.5 of it in sleet. That was kinda cool I got to admit. So the fire is ready. My wine glass is full and the fresh guacamole is on the plate. Life is good. Tonight anyways.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
This is a terribly blurry photo....I'll get another one up later in the week. But I didn't want the week to go by without the post. This one is called "It's Okay to be Alone"....I thought about painting these words onto the canvas, but then decided not to. I've actually been writing some messages on the backs of canvases...this is one that I went that route on instead.
On a very personal note....since this blog is all about my 40th year...this has not been an easy week. And I've indeed left very alone. It's hard to explain it since I seem to be a very happy, upbeat, glass half full person most of the time. And I am, most of the time. But everyone has a breaking point. And this month of the year for many years is mine. The holidays are beyond stressful for my heart and soul. I take everything to heart. And this time of year it feels like I am always wearing the "kick me" sign on my back.
Growing up our holidays were always so full of joy and family. My Dad is an only child so his mother always came to us. My Mother's family was all in town except one sister who'd drive up the day after to all be with us. We'd all get together for a giant LOUD meal. I remember the day would last what seemed an eternity. Loads of laughter, singing, joy, eating and of course lots of church. Now I am 40 with my own family. My parents are now divorced. My brother-in-law is divorced. I am the only daughter-in-law on my husband's side. I am the oldest on my side. I want to make everyone happy and allow for equal amount of time with our family. But sometimes I feel I am compromising so much that my own happiness and time with my family gets lost in the shuffle of this monster of a holiday. This week I was told the following: "Well, you certainly are making an effort to all be with .....but not with me....." "Well, no one seems to care about our Christmas together, so I am just not going to bother either. Ya'll just come when you can." "When can we get together before Christmas?" "Why can't you just come here?" etc...etc..... Our Christmas will never ever be the same. Ever. We can't be just one happy family all together because these people can't be in the room with these and those can't be in the room with those.
So I told Billy the other night to expect to see more wine bottles in the recycle bin than usual. And that when I say, "I gotta take a run"...you know I need to do just that. Clear my head. Get it together. And enjoy what precious few years I have left with Mailey and William at home. I try not to vent in front of them, but inevitably they hear my stress. And it upsets them. This is not what Christmas is about. It isn't. It's really about a gift that was given to us that none of us even deserve. And honestly the only thing Billy and I ever really want to do on Christmas is attend our own church, soak in the words of our kind preacher, let me sing my little heart out, take communion together as a family unit and leave the church by candlelight preparing our hearts for a new year. That's all. We won't be doing that this year BTW. Long story. Well, longer than the one I've already shared. It's okay though. In the end everyone will share more than one loud meal together. There will be laughter, joy and church. Most importantly, we'll all be together. In bits and pieces mind you, and across two states. But our time together is a gift I will never ever take for granted. And I'd much rather be with all my crazy family than alone.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
I found myself in a unique position this week. One that required pulling out my resume. I know...artists have resumes too you know. I found that in 15 years I have gained a lot of amazing and diverse experiences teaching people of all ages. And yet sadly, it still may not be enough to even get an interview. But me being the spirited one and a philosophy of "the answer to a question never asked is always no" sent the resume anyways. And now I am waiting. And praying that this opportunity will give me a chance to introduce myself. And show them how I can guide their students into finding their own creative threads. If not, well.....I suppose I'll just add another layer to my own brightly colored sweater. And continue to guide the students at my current school to shine quite brightly.
Saturday, November 24, 2012
This week we had the whole week off for Thanksgiving break. It was a wonderful week. One of those that you blink and bam! it's over. We glided through the week, the kids and I. Going here....going there....eating this.....and a lot of that. Perfect. I also found time to get into the studio a spell. At least for a little spell. Mostly I nested. It was what I needed to do this week. Nest. And be a Momma. And a hostess. Yeah. It was a lovely week.
But here's what I did accomplish in the studio. Week 37:
Sunday, November 18, 2012
I've found that Sunday morning has become morning has become my studio morning. It's nice and quiet in the house since everyone sleep in extra late. We usually attend church, but not until around 10am. Today however, I played hooky to get extra done.
And then after flipping through my book of words this quote by lao tzu stood out.
Just saying this about sums up my little life. Letting go and trusting that who I am supposed to be is inevitable. The path has been laid forward. I just have to trust that my feet can stay on it and not be led astray. We think we know better for ourselves. But a sweet blog reader sent me a rather long message this week saying ya know what? God gave me the desire and the talent to paint. It was the path he chose for me and the path I've chosen to stay on. I just have to remember these wise words.....
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Thursday, November 8, 2012
So the words I see in this image, but just didn't have the heart to stamp are these:
"Sometimes when you give your whole heart away....it comes back to you."
Some unusual things have been happening in my life lately. Doors are closing, old doors are re-opening, and some doors are coming off the hinge. I've so much to say right now, and for a first time I don't really know how to say it or where to start. I've so many ideas for the future of my art. And perhaps that is why there is so much openness right now. My body is trying to absorb it all because one day it will happen. It will. I was reading another artist's website the other day and found myself so excited with her direction, her motivation and her drive to create happy, meaningful art. I've often felt I need to apologize for the simplicity of my work. Or the whimsical nature of its' content. But ya know what? People need to see and hear from people like ME. So I'm going to keep trucking on making art that includes lots of birds, heart balloons and bikes. I'm also getting back to working on a real website(that I started 2 years ago). One that will engage you and make you just slap happy happy. Because that is what I want to put out into the world. I am not a Debbie Downer. I am not a half-empty girl. I am half-full, and excited about the potential that lies within my hands. I get wound up about the silliest things. And I am passionate to a fault about others. I love to blog, but I need to share my story in one platform. So the story remains strong and the same. The truth told once. In blogging we tend to share more intimate sides of ourselves. Our ups and our downs. They happen all right. And they suck. Of course we all grow from those don't we? And I love to share this side of me. But I also want everyone to know what is behind the paintings, who is behind the paintings. And be able to see this in one glance, not read 3 years of blog posts to figure it all out.
Anyhoo...like I said so many thoughts....kinda random post. But you get the idea. I gave my heart away, and it came back. And now I'm ready to start again.
Monday, November 5, 2012
Well....my computer at school went nuts on Thursday, then my home computer went out. Someone's trying to tell me something I suppose.
Anyhoo.....week 34 painting is so pretty. I can't wait to share it with you. When I get my computer to the doctor and can access the photos again. For now....I'm just going to go unplugged this week. I obviously need a break from cyberland. I'll be back soon!!
Anyhoo.....week 34 painting is so pretty. I can't wait to share it with you. When I get my computer to the doctor and can access the photos again. For now....I'm just going to go unplugged this week. I obviously need a break from cyberland. I'll be back soon!!
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Ok. I have a confession. These last few weeks I've had a very hard time finding the time to paint. At school, at home, anywhere. Ours little lives have gotten super busy. And honestly I don't even know what with. Usually I can sneak a little painting time in during my lunch at school. But not lately. I joked on FB Saturday that I would get into my studio or else. And then proceeded to photograph the clock in the Jeep as the day went buy and I was still playing chauffeur!! I did finally get into my studio at 3:00 yesterday. Only to have to leave again by 5:00 for a family dinner. By the time we got home I was bed bound.
Today though, after church I was well feed both spiritually and physically so off I headed to the studio to paint week 33 and put some finishing touches on products for the Marist Show. It was amazing being in the studio. It was quiet. Everything was where I needed it. I had my paint brushes, not yucky school brushes. It was perfect. I got SO MUCH DONE. So much so, that I took a break and went on a 6.5 mile run. I love it when everything seems to flow seamlessly. Today was one of those days. I am ever grateful for anytime I have in my studio. And know that the time will come when I can spend countless hours down here.....family first right now though.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
I've been working in a new sketchbook like crazy lately. Seriously. I found a 7" square hardbound book at Hobby Lobby recently. And for some reason the newness of the pages has me all inspired! This week I was going to paint a bird cage...but instead ended up using some of the doodles from the pages I am swiftly filling up. And I love it. I do. Sometimes I really don't like my work, honest to goodness. And other times I want to give myself a giant hug 'cause I love it so much. Hugs were happening in the art room this week!
We have a family filled wedding weekend coming up. I'm sure my instagram is going to be off the charts all weekend. If you follow me sorry....if you don't follow my instagrams you might want to (artsyorange). Where the wedding is being held is magical. I'm sure my work will be infused with this place next week!
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Last week before my big run I blogged about it....and you guys sent the BEST well wishes a girl could have hoped for. And then after the race I posted about the whole experience. Again, I was blown away at the kindness you threw my way through comments, emails and texts. Some were uber kind. Tickled my heart. I knew exactly what I was going to paint this week. Even if it scared the heck out of me! I was going to paint a self -portrait blowing kisses your way. Awwww....I know.
On Friday it was on my desk all day because every second extra I had I was painting on it. The kiddos couldn't help but see it since my desk is grand central station in the room. Those kids totally gave me an ego booster...and made me realize, okay I can finish this thing! One kid said, "So when do we get to be as good a painter as you Mrs. Horne?" Awwww....shucks!!! Of course none realized it was me. One too wise for his own britches 3rd grade boy told me the hair was much to yellow and needed more bronze and gold highlights. (Wonder what he's gonna be when he grows up?)
Saturday I added the hearts and doodle lines. Overall, I do love it. Not planning on becoming a painter of people though. I think I stick to flowers, bunnies and birds! haha...
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Anyhoo....Here's the painting that hid on my art desk all week. Stared at me while I got 2 custom paintings finished. And never said a word. I guess it was just waiting for the perfect time to reappear and have me finish it. No doubt. I really love this painting I found a tube of blue paint I'd forgotten about and went bezerk with it in this painting. Seriously. It's also making a huge appearance in week 28. Seeing as how they have merged into one week and all. I feel there needs to be a word on the bottom right hand curve of the green band. When I find it, I'll add it. Why not. This may end up being the floater week painting. hahaha...
Simple...sweet...imagery. I'm definitely loving this groove. See ya back later in the week. Week 28 is almost done!
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Well, there it is, hiding on the back of my desk. I started it last Sunday morning while drinking yummy peppermint hot cocoa. And then I never came back to it. Last night while finishing up 2 custom paintings I saw it there and just laughed at myself. It had been staring at me all week behind the paintbrushes. I've not missed a week yet! And I'll be darned if week 28 didn't just fly by. Oh well. I'll get it painted tonight. I think. Homework is killing us this year with Mailey. 2 hours a night!! Although yesterday we went to the eye doctor with her and she is literally blind in her left eye. Now things make sense on many levels....and perhaps why it takes her hours to complete tasks. She can't frinkin' see!! It was a very humbling moment for me in the eye doctor's room when she was either saying letters backwards or couldn't see them at all. And since I can literally see the bottom line on the eye chart without blinking.....it was a heart stabbing bad Momma bear moment indeed! Thank goodness our county does eye checks on the kids in 3rd and 5th grades. She failed Friday and by golly on Monday I had her at the doctor. Today we pick up her glasses. She's so excited!
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Anyhoo....I like to make new friends. It's like a whole new adventure. Sharing stories that old peeps are super tired of hearing and all. Fresh set of ears mind you. Yeah. Last week the little friend above, little Clementine found her way to my work. I am just about outta my skin with excitement about her. And although she's a new friend that really can't listen, or talk........she does represent a shift, a change in my being.
Last night while running my 5 mile train I started thinking, because what else am I supposed to do while running for an hour, right? I started thinking that:
A. I FINALLY feel better. For a spell there I thought something was really wrong with me. I had a bout of the sickies. I don't do sick well. Period. I simply do not have time for that.
B. I am really, really loving the routine our family has found. We need to work on together time more. But as a unit, our schedules are much calmer. And when Momma is happy, it just seems everything falls into place so very nicely. Yeah.
C. Teaching fullfils me in a way I can not place words on. I am satisfied to a point where I come home and do not feel the need to prove myself in the studio. To prove that I can do this show and that show and make this and make that. Nope. I am simply painting and creating when I want to. And as you can see, its making my work much sweeter!
D. Worry is less. I am a worry wart by nature. Talking and worrying. I do those things well. But lately I realized I am not as worried about the things I used to worry about. It has a lot to do with A-C I am sure. I was freaking out a tad about money for a few days in August. Geesh if everything doesn't come due at once! Plus my husband had a minor surgery in June and danged if it hasn't cost us an arm and a leg! And they want it NOW. Not later. Yeah, that's been a fun to pay. But that is leveling out too...and I'm not worrying about that anymore either.
So anyways....the shift I was feeling a few weeks ago, well it was a good shift. My heart, body and soul were moving into a comfy spot for a spell. I do hope it sticks around. I kinda like life this way. It's good for me. And I can tell on the outside that this new life is agreeing with me as well.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
When I started this journey in March I was super excited about the potential. It has been an easy weekly goal to make. And the ideas have come and gone seamlessly. I've totally enjoyed the entire process thus far. At about week 10 I had to figure out what to do with all the canvases as they were completed. One thing I was not going to do is wait til the last minute to add stain to the edges, sign and add hangers. Nope. Not gonna be freaking out in March with 52 canvases to finish!! Right outside my studio entrance was this thin unfinished wall. So I started hanging them up!