As I sit in the quiet house now (the family is scattered here and there today....nice for Momma bear) I reflect on the year that has gone by so quickly. This week I faced some interesting numbers as far as my artsy business goes. And realized that sometimes the sacrifices you make to support your family take a toll on living the dream. I fight this. Tooth and nail I do. I try to do it all. Family, work, art, run, church, friends.....but you know what. Something has to give. A part of me thinks what would life be like right this second if we still lived at 64. If we'd not taken this huge leap of faith and bought 120. I don't like that side of my personality really. The what if side. It drags me down. In fact here's a huge truth, today I was running my 9 mile training run and the 93 Million Miles song by Jason Mraz came on. I broke down and sobbed. Of course that was it for the run. Ha. Right now I feel 93 million miles away from where I want to be. But I love the direction I am going in. It's where I belong. And as his song says, "you can always come home".
So here's what I told myself.....Teach more.....scatter joy more.....and live more. Embrace this life you've been so blessed to have received. Believe that you can dream bigger, just a little different than what you thought was what you needed. Move past the idea that in order to be successful you have to have so much. Let go and just be. I am a painter. A dreamer. And a doer. And I intend to continue doing amazing things with a whole heart. A heart that now resides at 120.